A mild gust of autumn wind dispensed a cluster of leaves from a nearby tree, gently marking the end of their life. The shadow of the falling leaves interrupted the sunlight beaming down on Meng Chengying’s embroidery. Startled by the sudden change of brightness, she turned her head and looked out the window. Watching the leaves sway in the distance while her face basked in the sun, this was the most peaceful and blissful she has felt in a very long time. She stared and stared as her eyelids drooped to a close, slowly marking the end of her life.
Ever since Chengying could remember, she never had a moment of rest. From the break of dawn to late hours into the night, there was endless work to be done both inside and outside of the house. The societal responsibilities inflicted on women in China were arduous enough, but for Chengying, they were only amplified by the loss of her parents at a very young age.
At the age of seven, Chengying had already become a capable assistant to her mother. Every morning she woke up before the roosters’ crow to collect wood for the stove and prepare congee for her father and two brothers who will not be awake for another few hours. As breakfast cooked, she gathered leftovers from last night’s dinner into a metal bucket and brought the concoction to feed the family’s livestock. While she waited for the cattle and sheep to devour the food, she cleaned the farm, replenished the water supply, and laid down a fresh new layer of hay before her mother summoned her to return home. When she reentered the house, she was greeted by empty bowls and half-eaten plates of dishes on the table. Only many hours after she woke up did she have her first meal of the day, and it was always after her father and eldest brother had left for work and school. However, she rarely ate breakfast alone. She was often accompanied by her youngest brother whom she cradled in her arms as her mother left to buy groceries. When her mother returned, Chengyin left the house again to handwash the dirty clothes from yesterday at a nearby river where she is greeted by other girls in the same position. She exerted all her force into rinsing clothes twice her size while sweat dripped down the sides of her face. She desperately needed a moment to catch her breath upon arriving home with the pile of wet clothes, but her mother immediately commanded to start preparing lunch. Chengying took a look at the clock hung above the mantle and it was only eleven o’clock in the morning. It seemed like an entire day had passed but she was not even halfway: this is how she felt every single day.
Chengying was so accustomed to these chores that she never hesitated nor challenged why she was the only child in the Meng family to have these responsibilities. When her parents tragically passed away, not only did she have to take on the full-time role of mother in raising her brothers at seven years old, she also took on her late father’s financial responsibilities. The Meng family was not the poorest in the village, but they were certainly far from being the wealthiest. The savings left behind by her parents were barely enough to put three meals on the table and support their sons through elementary school. While her brothers attended school, Chengying sold dried goods and her embroidery[1] — stitched after all her brothers fell soundly asleep — at a local market for additional income. Her work ethic and beauty were sought after by many men in the village, and one educated gentleman from a respectable economic background caught her attention.[2] She longed for the day she would be swept away by a man, away from her tiring burdens; but she always held back from her own happiness until her brothers were old enough to work and establish families of their own. When the time came, her engagement was ended by yet another tragic loss: he had died of tuberculosis.[3] Before she could start a family of her own, she was already a widow before the age of twenty.
Although her marriage was never certified, Chengying belonged to her in-laws according to regional customs.[4] Despite having significantly fewer mouths to feed now, her daily workload was not any lighter. All the domestic responsibilities were pushed onto Chengying after her mother-in-law spiraled into depression having lost her only son, and her father-in-law’s diminishing health sent her back to selling at the local market to make up for lost income. She wished there was someone who could share her burdens but there was no one. It was during difficult moments like these when she resented the inevitable fate of being born as a woman in rural China.
When both of her in-laws passed away some odd years later, they left the remaining asset all to Chengying as a sort of compensation.[5] This new chapter of life was a stark contrast to her last thirty years: no more mouths to feed but her own, no children to look after, and no one’s demands to attend to. Life was extra sweet because she had her own money and was able to support herself. For this very reason, Chengying never remarried. Why would she willingly relinquish her newfound independence for a lifetime of hard work and forfeit the sizable wealth she had inherited? Many older women in the village pitied the ill-fated widow and called her foolish for refusing to resettle, but Chengying was content with her life. With money, she no longer had to break her back day in and day out or endure the criticism of others. She also thoughtfully considered leaving this village and resettling in Nanjing, a large city she always dreamt of visiting. However, she recognized that the realities of being an illiterate middle-aged woman in China were not going to take her very far on her own. So, she had no choice but to stop daydreaming, obediently remain in the village, and move in with her eldest brother’s family.
Life back at the Meng household was characterized by irresolvable tension and unrest. Her sister-in-law gave birth to three sons and a daughter, so in the eyes of her sister-in-law, having another mouth to feed — a useless one for that matter— was more unwarranted burden as Chengying did not contribute to domestic work but still pranced around as the matriarch. To her defense, although she never formally had a family of her own, she had already fulfilled her duties as a woman when she raised her brothers with her two bare hands. If she had a normal life — one with children and a husband — her position would not differ from that of her sister-in-law, but the Old Man in the Sky[6] has other plans for her. Chengying strongly believed that a woman’s fate is predetermined at birth.[7] It cannot be changed and dwelling on it is time wasted. The fate of every mother is to tend to her family, and it should remain unchallenged.
Although Chengying never expressed this verbally or physically, she is quite impressed by the strong-willed woman that is her sister-in-law. Not only is she capable and hardworking, but she also blessed the Meng family with three healthy boys and a daughter without mishap. Secretly, Chengying envied the family and children that her sister-in-law could call her own. A part of her feels empty inside as a woman without a family, an emptiness that no amount of money can fill.
Chengying treated the Meng children as her own, especially Spring Grass, whose appearance and personality greatly resembled hers. Chengying would have wanted her daughter to receive an education and learn the skills and knowledge necessary for a job with a stable income. She greatly admired her distant cousin who finished high school and landed a job as a secretary at the government building in town. Her cousin did not have to look after her own two children or take on most of the domestic responsibilities. She was able to hire a nanny using her monthly salary and still have a sizable portion of money left for spending. Chengying fancied trading lives with her cousin just to experience it for a day. She strongly believed that if she had received an education, she too would have led a life beyond the confines of her home with greater liberties and opportunities.
Chengying often emphasized the importance of school to Spring Grass, but her sister-in-law refused to enroll her daughter because she did not see the need for girls to go to school. Her sister-in-law finished elementary school at the top of her class but still ended up working to death making ends meet for her family.[8] It was for this very reason and the family’s financial limitations that Chengying’s mother never allowed her to go to school with her brothers. As a woman in rural China, Chengying was highly unlikely going to change her fate, but she could only hope that girls in future generations have the opportunity to venture beyond the bounds of the village and live a purposeful life unlike herself.
On a bright, sunny fall day in the mild month of October,[9] Chengying passed away unfulfilled inside like the unfinished embroidery[10] she worked on moments before her last breath. She left her remaining asset for Spring Grass to go to school because she understood the importance of education for girls. Chengying’s most fervent wish was to see a glimpse of the world past the mountains,[11] a wish she left for an educated Spring Grass to hopefully turn into reality.
Citations & References
[1] Hershatter, 194. “I spent the money I earned from embroidery to buy food. The pocket money in my family mainly depended on my embroidery.”
[2] Qiu, 2.4. “The villagers saw that she was capable… finally settled on a man with a comfortable economic situation and an education.”
[3] Qiu, 2.4. “How could she have known that he had tuberculosis?”
[4] Qiu, 2.4. “According to the custom in those parts, she was already the new daughter-in-law to that family.”
[5] Qiu, 2.4. “Were she to remarry, she would need the blessing of her in-laws, who guarded their silence on the matter.”
[6] Direct translation of 老天爷 from the Chinese version of the text, meaning God and/or the Heavens
[7] Spring Grass TV Show, episode 1, 11:37 – 11:38
[8] Qiu, 2.3. “I work myself to death for your Meng family.”
[9] Qiu, 2.3. “Who knew her aunt would suddenly go ahead and die. She died on a bright, sunny fall day in the mild month of October.”
[10] Spring Grass TV Show, episode 1, 14:55 – 14:59
[11] Spring Grass TV Show, episode 1, 11:54 – 12:01