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Story 1: Obsessive. Compulsive.

Video

Object 1: Pure O

In my own words: “Pure O” is a branch of OCD in which the sufferer experiences severe intrusive thoughts. The thoughts are often egodystonic, meaning they are unwanted thoughts that go against the beliefs, truths, or desires of the sufferer. The cycle of obsessive thinking interferes with day-to-day function and well-being.

 

Object 2: My OCD is not…

  1. A love of cleaning and organizing.
  2. A desire to wash my hands a million times a day.
  3. Flicking the lights on and off all day.
  4. Tapping walls or floors.
  5. A love of the all-too-trendy phrase “I’m so OCD”

*The above may be experiences of certain people with OCD, but they are not mine.

Object 3: My OCD IS…

  1. Compulsive checking — of things you wouldn’t believe. Spoons, tops to pens, hair ties, straws, loose change, backs to earrings, bottle caps…..
  2. A paralyzing fear of making the wrong decision.
  3. A need to write and erase and rewrite and erase until the word ‘feels’ right.
  4. An avoidance of bad or scary words.
  5. The feeling that negative or malicious thoughts get stuck in my head.

Object 4: The Hypochondriac at Her Worst.

…I’m sure it’s nothing, but I better check WebMD just in case…

Object 5: Irrationalities

I think I swallowed that pen. I can feel it in my throat. It’s choking me. Help, please help me. Please God help me.

Object 6: The stove.

Are you sure I didn’t leave the stove on? Stove on? Is the stove on? Are you sure I didn’t leave the stove on? But what if the stove’s on? I think the stove’s on. I think the stove is on. Oh no. Don’t let the stove be on. I definitely left the stove on. I know I left the stove on.

Goes and checks that the stove is not on. Walks away. Beat.

Are you sure I didn’t leave the stove on?

Object 7: Sensorimotor Obsessions

Have you ever thought about what would happen if you just…forgot to breathe? I think that happens to me all the time. So I have to remind myself to breathe. Otherwise I’m scared I might just..stop.

 

Object 8: Pencil Nightmares

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Object 9: The (mostly downward) spiral.

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Object 10: Finally.

It’s here. It’s definitely sticking around. Lucky for me, though, it cyclically, compulsively, obsessively waxes and wanes. So I look forward to better days.