\u03b1<\/p>\n
Above me sparrows chirp,
\nthey chirp like sirens
\nHoping to get your attention
\nWhat do they say?
\nGod, how can I pray
\nAs fervent and fearless as they?
\n
\nI can hear my grandma saying,
\n\u201cOne offense is all it takes,
\nFor the stony ancestors to sweep us with hurricanes.\u201d
\nAnd it did rain.
\nIt rained for days and days,
\nThe waters flooded to our waists,
\nUntil my father\u2019s brown car
\nAnd my mother\u2019s golden dowry were swallowed in haste.
\n\u2013 Or at least, that\u2019s what she said.
\n\u201cYou see, the red statues will not hesitate.\u201d
\nI wish to ignore her, to overlook that ancient coldness
\nBut to be warm, You know that I lack the boldness \u2013<\/p>\n
Something wouldn\u2019t let me \u03b2<\/p>\n But this weight never does go away, I have to ask \u2013 Draw me in, please —<\/p>\n After I became a Christian, I did not have all my fears reduced and resolved. In fact, in a sense, I have single-handedly divorced a part of myself that seemingly secured me\u2013my ancestry, my goals for living, my source of explanations. Sometimes, I still wonder about to whom I am praying, who is responding to me, and which \u201cgod\u201d people see through me. My inherent fears about destiny, about natural disasters, about inevitable cycles, about divorces and fracturing of relationships, about the arbitrary cruelness of the universe, about being isolated and neglected, were still very much deeply rooted inside, even after those rejuvenating waters of baptism had washed over me. I have realized that as ready as I am for eternity, between then and now still exists a long period of time\u2013my life. And in this life, I still fear being unpolished, unnoticed, unheard, unloved, probably just as much as anybody.<\/p>\n But our God is unique in that He is not a distant God who expects us to somehow achieve perfection; He is the one who guides. I have begun to realize that this hollow part within me is destined to be fulfilled by our Maker, who polishes, notices, hears, and loves us. I am not yet a fearless person, but I have decided that I will not live life in my way, or with any other \u201cgods\u201d\u2013I can only do it with the God whose steady hand patiently holds onto mine, while His perfection overwhelms my weakness.<\/p>\n Originally published in The Williams Telos Issue 14, FEAR<\/em><\/p>\n Written by Catherine Chen ’23<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u03b1 Above me sparrows chirp, they chirp like sirens Hoping to get your attention What do they say? God, how can I pray As fervent and fearless as they? I can hear my grandma saying, \u201cOne offense is all it takes, For the stony ancestors to sweep us with hurricanes.\u201d And it did … Continue reading “A Sparrow’s Prayer”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2357,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15427],"tags":[49360],"class_list":["post-741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-fear"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/741","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2357"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=741"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/741\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":756,"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/741\/revisions\/756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=741"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=741"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.williams.edu\/telos\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=741"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nThe time, it was not yet ready.<\/em>
\nUntil the waters sedated and settled low
\nAll things covered were shown
\nThen I woke from a slumber
\nI thought, I was surely ready for eternity, though \u2013<\/p>\n
\nWith every Song I sing it detaches, but still remains
\nIt remains \u2013
\nI can\u2019t help but wonder, what if you are the same?
\nAs the night grows older
\nI feel it looming behind my shoulders
\nYour echoing I cares<\/em>
\nThey\u2019re leaving me like your breaths leaving my interior
\nAre you not worth more than sparrows?<\/em> they whisper,
\nBut how can they in the sky deliver to you their sounds
\nWhile now, mine seems only to sink deeper underground?<\/p>\n
\nDo you care as much about me
\nAs you care about them?
\nThe sparrows, the grey and amber sparrows
\nWhom you colored and livened with your words.
\nOr the lilies, the gloriously arrayed flowers,
\nInto the grasses they so easily merge but do not disappear.
\nDo you adore me just as much?
\nBut how much does it take you to do as such?
\nCleansing me with your blood,
\nHearing my heartbeat from under the suffocating mud.
\nThere was my fearful hand,
\nYou held it with yours.
\nSo that the wind, Job\u2019s whirlwind,
\nAnd fire, Moses\u2019 bushfire,
\nHelp me stand again in your promised land.
\nGently, but with your gentle force,
\nBless my spirit and yours \u2013
\nthey shall never ever drift to divorce \u2013<\/p>\n
\nDraw in my family
\nThat heat can\u2019t be warmer,
\nYou say, this is my daughter,<\/em>
\nWith whom I am well-pleased.<\/em>
\nI\u2019ve been waiting so long, and finally
\nTo live forever in your stable sanctuary \u2013<\/p>\n