I’m A Gamer Now!!
Before completing this assignment, I have never played a video game in my life. I 
enjoyed watching my friends play video games, however, I was not motivated enough to uncover the mystery that was operating the game controller.
When I discovered that Grand Theft Auto V was on the syllabus, I was ecstatic. This was my time to reveal my hidden gaming skills and finally mastering the game controller. I walked into Sawyer grinning uncontrollably. I charged towards the library attendant at the front desk of Sawyer and politely requested a PS4 controller. I wanted to appear “cool” so I made sure that the game cover was exposed. I wanted all of Williams to know that there was a true gamer in Sawyer library.
Guys, I am officially a gamer. 
As soon as I settled into the gaming room, I was greeted by the GTA: V character reel. I was really excited to play the game, however, I could not shake the level of discomfort that developed as each game character was revealed. All the stereotypes were out on display. The black men were gang affiliated and the women were commodified and oversexualized. Each character came with a specific background that spoke to the community that best represented their identity. Because “the game world is not simply a sandbox where entirely new sociopolitical situations are designed and enacted and then exported into the physical world,” the projected communities highlight a ghettocentric view of environment and community(Leonard 131). I believe that the game is not capable of representing authentic depictions of people from varying racial identities. Instead, the game was successful at reinforcing stereotypes.
Additionally, there was a disproportionate representation of men and woman. In “Live in Your World, Play in Ours: Race, Video Games, and Consuming the Other” by David Leonard, Leonard highlights that “64% of the characters are male, 19% are nonhuman, and only 17% are female. More specifically, 73% of player-controlled characters are male, with less than 15% female, of which 50% of props or bystanders” (Leonard 2). These optics reveal that the target audience for 
this game is men. For the first three missions of GTA: V, I played a male character to complete the mission. The women were solely operating as props for the male gaze. More specifically, the white male gaze.
Despite my reservations, I continued to play the game. The second mission of the game included two black men who were stealing cars from a rich white mans home. The goal of this mission was two-prong: steal the car and follow the leading driver to the dropoff spot. Before I started controlling the characters, the game set up some dialogue between the two men. Their language was filled with ebonics terms and a copious amount of unnecessary “n-words” flowing through the conversation. The actual content of the dialogue became unimportant. The type of language was a marker for the caricature of a gang affiliated black man. The characterization of these two black men lent itself to “ a narrative anchored by ideologies and tropes of race, gender, and class. It [relied] on a worldview that sees the Black community as [devoided] of morality or humanity”(Leonard 134). They were dressed in baggy clothes with gold chains and tasked with stealing cars. Their characters were crafted by real-life tropes of black identity that disregard any authentic representation of the black body. Therefore, reinforcing the racial discrimination of black men.
As I continued through the mission, I was able to become this black male character. I was in control of his driving ability and mobility. At any point, I could have picked a fight with a random bystander and steal their car. The games’ function of horseplay becomes racialized when the game players are giving complete autonomy in racially crafted communities. Leonard states that “games, despite claims of horseplay, offer insight into dominant ideologies… From the privacy of one’s home, game players are able to transport themselves into foreign and dangerous environments, often gaining pleasure through domination and control of weaker characters of color”(Leonard 1). One can completely be disconnected from the identity of the character they are operating and complicit in reinforcing their own biases in their actions. Therefore, the player is able to benefit from a dangerous amount of control.
However, all of these things did not stop me from playing the game. I was able to become completely emersed in the game. I wanted to win. Even if I had run over a few people to get there.
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Troubles on Tinder
During my freshman year, I decided to make a Tinder profile. I was in my room bored as usual, and I thought that Tinder would add some excitement to my life. I was intrigued by the satisfaction of matching with a complete stranger. I was hoping for great conversations, butterflies, new experiences, and A-1 flirting. I wanted the rush of excitement that came with each notification that someone liked me. It was a quantitative 
reminder that someone was crushing on me.
Prior to Tinder, my only experience with dating was weak DMs and noncommital boys at my high school that wanted me to fix them. Also, I was a permanent resident of the friend zone. Because my parents worked at my high school, the dating pool was slim. Everyone was either dumb, childish, intimidated or scared of my family. I believed that college would allow me to engage with a different caliber of Black men. I was mistaken.
Dating has always been difficult for me. As a black plus size woman, the dating poll is basically non-existent at school. Ideally, I would love to date a black man. However, the black men left were looking for a woman like me. Because the “scarcity of eligible Black men may drive [Black women] to date outside of their race”, I knew that I had to alter my dating expectations (Wilson 965).
My friend overheard that a black man was “saving” a beautiful black woman for later. What does that F does that mean?
Because my awkwardness made me oblivious to recognizing that someone had a crush on me, I went to Tinder. I wanted to avoid the middle stage of acknowledging that we found each other attractive.
My profile was perfect. I had glamor shots, tasteful selfies, and goofy pictures of me that highlighted my AWESOME. I laid everything out on the table. In efforts to control my virtual image, I made sure that I had pictures with varying hairstyles and representations of my whole body. Unfortunately, our virtual images “are limited by the already circumscribed power relation of [real life]” (Sharpe 1093). I wanted to know that whoever swiped right understood my unapologetic blackness and my comfort with my body. I had to understand that “it is not simply that we can be more honest about race issues on the Internet because we are not accountable but that the personas we create (even if they begin as ‘us’) start to take on lives of their own in relation to those whom they encounter” (Sharpe 1094). I cannot control how one would interpret my Tinder profile. However, I do have the ability to fashion a profile that would attract people who would appreciate me for me.
Unfortunately, Tinder was a waste of time. I wished that someone would have slapped the dogshit out of me when I made the account. I went to Tinder for the answers to what I wanted in a relationship. I wanted to live 
within the illusion of dating freedom and unlimited options. I would have conversations with men from all racial backgrounds. The conversation topics would be as bland as do you have siblings to extremely vulgar and unprovokedly sexual. There were a few nice guys who asked to meet up, however, it is hard to trust someone’s online presence. I know that I crafted my best self, so it is only reasonable for someone else to do the same.
However, Tinder has taught me three crucial facts: 1) The match notification bell is just annoying, 2) Stimulating conversation is RARE, and 3) ALL OF THE MEN ARE UGLY IN THE ZIP CODE OF 01267.
But does this stop me from swiping No.
Sadly, I feel like if I stop my option will decrease.
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