On our final day of the formal program (we have one full day left that’s completely free), we went full circle, visiting Kei-san to give him the answers to our koan and to do zazen again. Everything was so familiar, the Family Mart by the station, meeting Mitsue-san and Sachi-san and Kagaya-sensei at the station, just like on the first day (well Kagaya-sensei came with us then), walking together to the temple and recognizing the same sights. It was almost like the first day all over again, except I suppose we’re all a little wiser. Before running to the station, where we were supposed to take the train to our meeting place, I drank this delicious matcha latte, as I had not had time to eat breakfast due to waking up late (refer to last post) and we were to meet at around 9:45. I definitely needed the caffeine.
Upon arriving, we sat down, just as we had on the first day. Kei-san switched up the order, deciding to do zazen first, before giving our koan answers. It was around this time that my answer actually developed into something else. In the end, I wanted to bring myself as I am now. When we die, we all return to the earth anyways, and we were always part of something greater before we existed individually. I cannot give the whole earth, or the whole “thing,” but I will have to just give myself in the current state. It turns out the koan was supposed to make you aware of your own self. We use a lot of things, like our eyes and ears, without noticing that we are, but when you point it out, you start to notice it. But also, when you start to think about it, it can disappear. My mind lingered on that for a moment before we returned to doing zazen, as well as walking zazen. I have to admit I must have dozed off at some point in the zazen, as I was no longer thinking. I was sure that my eyes were open, because I could blink, but I’m fairly sure my eyes rolled into the back of my head because I had fallen asleep because I realized I could no longer see the tatami.
Regardless, I did reflect still a lot on myself and my own consciousness. I was also proud that I was able to do the traditional zazen position for a lot longer compared to before! We also opened up the doors and got to see part of the exquisite garden.
Parting with Kei-san was quite sorrowful in a sense: thanks to him, I definitely understood a better part of me, and as we says, understanding your true self and accepting it, despite the fact that this is not always a graceful and happy process, is an important part of life itself.
We split off afterwards, and we said thank you to Kagaya-sensei, Mitsue-san, and Sachi-san. I’m so grateful to them for the opportunities that I was offered here, and I don’t think I could get them anywhere else and with any other people. Over a superficial understanding of things, or just an academic understanding, I really felt like I started to gain a deeper understanding of all these traditional Japanese arts and crafts, and well, the essence of them, as I said so much in my presentation.
Since we were at a subtemple of Tofukuji, we decided to visit Tofukuji itself. While it’s usually all momiji, due to the fact that it’s winter, there were no leaves. However, the pink tinged branches also made for a fine sight, in my opinion. The lack of tourists was also nice as well. We got to see the rock garden too, which illustrated some constellations, among other things such as islands. My general experience with rock gardens have been that, while they’re beautiful, the layer upon layer of symbolism and understanding required for them makes me overthink a bit, and also the stories or things they represent are sometimes difficult to understand and remember. But, I must say that I enjoy sitting down and looking at them for just what they are. It’s peaceful that way.
We also went to get ramen, which really hit the spot after a chilly day. We trekked for a bit to go near Fushimi Inari Taisha, which had a small ramen and tsukemen spot.
Then came the part I was most excited about: meeting my host family! They came all the way from Chiba and I was so grateful that I was able to see them. Koto was cute as usual, and even though Mama-san was sick, I loved hanging out with her. We went out to a restaurant after playing some Set and Rubix Cube. Super happy about that, because I mailed them the Set card game a while back, and I’m so glad they’re still playing it! Koto is super good at it. We went out to eat at a restaurant with sashimi, karaage, dashiyaki, and some kind of mozzarella pizza-like thin bread.
I was also treated to some Puchin Purin after, Koto’s and my CHOICE pudding, and we ate it in their hotel room before I head out. I’ll be meeting them early tomorrow and going to Kiyomizudera with them tomorrow!
